Live More, Fear Less: Lessons from Babies

BabyI wish I could remember what it was like to be a baby or a young child. To feel my mother hold me close or hear her sing me to sleep. Of course, I only want to remember the good things about babyhood, and not the scary feeling of waking up alone in the dark, or the frustration of not being able to communicate. The closest I can come to remembering those very early months of my life is to observe babies through my grown-up eyes. And there are a few things I’ve learned from those little guys.

Babies give life everything they have.

They eat and drink with gusto. When they laugh, they light up a room. When they cry, the sound carries for miles. And when they give themselves over to sleep, they become little boneless heaps, completely one with whatever surface (vertical or horizontal) they’ve fallen asleep on. If we put that much energy into what we do, imagine what we could accomplish.

Babies nap.

And the world is at peace – and then they wake up ready to go. Enough said.

To babies, everything is important.

When they see that bottle coming towards them, they are focused. To them, losing a raisin is equivalent to losing a diamond ring. They are in tune with their bodies – hunger, pain, sensitivity to heat or cold or soiled diapers – and they don’t mind letting the world know about it. What’s important to babies becomes important to those that love and cherish them. Respecting how others feel, even if we don’t feel the same way, can bring peace to our world.

Babies don’t give up.

It takes practice and working their little muscles before babies can roll over. They have to concentrate and experiment to figure out which body parts to move in order to crawl. They fall, a lot, when they’re learning to walk. And when they finally master a few steps, they trip and fall some more. But they just keep trying, over and over. Imagine what would happen if babies gave up learning to talk. There would be no verbal communication in the world. Where is our determination? Where is our courage to try?

Everything is new and exciting to babies.

Of course, the whole world is new to babies, because it is. Colors, sounds, smells, tastes. Everything. And their wide-open eyes, kicking feet, and delighted squeals show how they feel. It’s been said too many times to count, that we need to see the world from the eyes of a child. How much more exciting and fulfilling life would be if we could only relearn how (or let go) to do so.

Babies thrive on attention.

They love being held and snuggled. They love music, your soft voice singing them to sleep, and the joyous sound of laughter. When you smile, they learn to smile back. The need for love, security, peace, and respect are things we never outgrow.

Babies don’t care what they look like – or what you look like.

Some babies are chubby and dimpled, some are thin, many are bald (or mostly so). But they’re all precious and beautiful and worthy of love. Just like you and I.

What have babies taught you about life?

It’s Your Life

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Seth Godin Quote

Ready for Change?

Girl Preparing to Pool DiveAlbert Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. “Insanity” seems like a pretty strong word to use – “foolishness” might fit better.

I’m not so foolish to think that something in my life will change if I don’t help it along, but I do have a bad habit of putting things off for another day. And then I’m surprised at how much time has passed without making headway.

I’ve known for a long time that I need help remembering to do things. That’s why I have a huge whiteboard in my kitchen with notes circled and starred all over it. If a to-do item is written there, it will get done (eventually). But here we are in a new year, and there are still things on the board left undone – from months and months ago.

Well, I’m finally ready for a change. So lists have been compiled and a plan is in place (with the help of my very organized husband who has been patient with my piles and undone-things for too long). Time will be spent more wisely and goals will be achieved. This is my hope and dream.

And to help organize my life, I’m going to pay attention to the following online resources:

  • Marla Cilley is The Fly Lady. “She weaves her way through housecleaning and organizing tips, with homespun humor, daily musings about life and love, and anything else that is in her mind.” If you follow FlyLady, you’ll get FLYmail everyday with FLYing Lessons to help you set up short, manageable routines to get rid of clutter and put your home and life in order. She says “you are not behind – you are just getting started.”
  • Kathi Lipp is the queen of projects. Sign up for her newsletter and you’ll get a free copy of The Ultimate Guide to Man Food, plus she’ll keep you up-to-date on projects such as organizing your house and connecting with your kids, and her most recent Christmas Project that shared daily strategies to prepare for the holiday.

There’s an old country saying that goes something like this:

“When is the best time to plant an oak tree? Fifty years ago. When is the second best time? Today.”

Change can be scary, but it’s easiest handled bit by bit (like eating an elephant is easier one bite at a time). One step after another, and soon I’ll have reached a mile marker. Each small goal achieved will bring me closer to my bigger goals – whether it’s to have an ordered house and life or to finish my latest novel.

I’m excited to start this journey of change today. How about you?

On the Road to the Sun

GlacierNP_2The Going-to-the-Sun Road wound upwards around the ice-carved mountainsides of Glacier National Park in northern Montana. Forests of evergreens, patches of fading wild flowers, and the yellow-orange of still-changing foliage spread out before me along the road on three sides. Even the cliff face on my left, climbing toward an autumn sky, held beauty in its grey hues, and jagged lines and shadows. Mountain buttes hid the foothills of ridges. Ridges bowed before peaks. Each layer a darker shade of blue to purple-grey. All filled the horizon above v-shaped valleys.

I went around a curve, the traffic slowed to a standstill, and there, blocking the panorama, was a rocky outcrop with a rough-hewn tunnel leading through it. In comparison, the harshness of the lifeless stone and the spiny, leafless trees here didn’t hold the same beauty as what I’d just passed. Behind me, the view was still so awesome I could have stared at it for hours, if not days, if not years (so different from the grassy mesas and the looming shoulders of barren mountains I often hike near my home 1250 miles away).

Glacier_4On through the tunnel, and the vista was again wondrous ahead, this time less so behind. And so, The-Going-to-the-Sun Road shifted before and behind, in varying degrees of glorious – because, really, even the views that held too much brown and grey or not enough mountain or sky, still held perfection in their own way.

During one of those moments in my ascent when I just had to stop and stand and try to take it all in, I thought of how much looking back can ruin my present and my future. The landscape of my past is filled with both beauty and ugliness. But living in the past – whether glorious or gritty – has often been a trap that keeps me from living in the present. At the same time, working busily for tomorrow (even if tomorrow means the end of the day) without enjoying this very day, seems as much of a waste.

I don’t make true New Year’s resolutions, but one thing I’m going to try very hard to do this coming year is to enjoy my every today and hope more in the future.

What changes do you want to make in the new year?

Seasons of Joy and Heartache

PeaceDoveThis is the season of joy-to-the-world, Christmas trees, elves and reindeer, snowmen and snow angels, baking and making and sharing, decorating and gift giving. It’s a time to celebrate the greatest gift ever given, demonstrated in Nativity scenes around the world – the birth of Jesus.

It’s also a time that many people suffer through. To see so much joy – to be faced with everyone else’s happiness, a reminder of what they may not have – can be truly painful when heartache overshadows everything else.

Emotional distress can destroy our physical, as well as emotional health. We are not meant to live for long in our grief, but to pass through it when the time is right.

In an interview with Jeremy Statton, Alece Ronzino approaches this subject from the viewpoint of someone who has made the journey:

Everyone eventually goes through a season of shattered dreams.

The greatest thing I can pass along to someone who is in that place right now is something a friend said to me, “Don’t bring building supplies to the graveyard.” There will be a season where all you can do is sit in the grief and the heartache. You have to face it and feel it, and not try to shortcut around it. But eventually – and you, or those you trust to speak into your life, will just know when that time is – you have to start taking steps forward.

Give yourself permission to grieve. And then give yourself permission to hope again.

In Ecclesiastes, Solomon wrote that to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

I hope this is a season of joy and peace for you. If not, I hope you will reach out to the One who understands you better than you understand yourself, because He made you. The One who named and numbered the stars. The One who counts every tear you shed, and is always with you.

Wishing you joy in the simple things and hope for better days.

It’s Not Too Late to Enjoy Christmas

TreeBowsSnowI’ve been getting up early and going to bed late, rushing here and there, trying to finish everything necessary to make this a great Christmas. I overextended myself in November, so I’m a month behind on everything including making crafts, baking cookies, decorating the tree and the house, and shipping off packages still waiting to be filled with gifts. Not to mention the Christmas cards that need personalized notes (plus addressing and mailing out). I even had to cancel my volunteer day this week – just no time. I am, in fact, doing exactly what I promised myself I would not do again this year.

I wanted this Christmastime to be less stressful and more joy-filled than previous years. To follow a plan, check things off lists, and put my feet up the week before the red-suited plump guy slides down the chimney, and sigh contentedly that life is good.

Today, in the middle of all this craziness – and my broken dream of a perfectly planned and executed holiday – I remembered why I like Christmas. It’s not dragging out the decorations and the lights, or the annual five-pound weight gain, or the hours of shopping and stressing over the right gift. But I love the twinkling lights that make the world glow like a fairyland. I love sharing and eating holiday goodies. And I love giving gifts and celebrating the reason for the season: the birth of Jesus. All these things, plus the feeling that everyone seems jollier this time of year, add up to why I like Christmas so much.

There’s one more thing I remembered today. Life is good. Very good, despite the self-imposed craziness. I’m blessed beyond measure. I have a loving husband and children, friends who care about me, a soft bed and a warm house, and plenty to eat. And too many more blessings to count.

And so this blog post is getting out late as I’ve attempted to uncrazify my day. Christmas isn’t what makes me rush around trying to get things done – it’s my own expectations and what I think others expect from me.

I can still enjoy Christmas if I let go of a few things on my unfinished to-do list. If I slow down and focus on what I want the next twelve days of December to be like, I will have the best gifts anyone could ask for, or give – joy and peace, and time spent with friends and family.

How are you handling holiday stress?

Southwestern Recipe: Green Chile Sausage Gravy

RistraIn case you missed my interview with a firefighter, here’s the recipe for sausage gravy (with a Southwestern twist) that Dave the firefighter shared. When it was his turn to cook at the fire station, Dave satisfied the hungry “troops” by serving this gravy with biscuits and eggs.

Dave’s Green Chile Sausage Gravy (for 10 good eaters)

  • large “log” of spicy sausage
  • 1/2 gal. plus 4 c. milk
  • flour
  • 3-4 c. frozen, hot green chile, thawed
  1. Gather up a large pan that holds approximately 3/4 gal.
  2. Place the sausage in the pan, cook it down and keep some of the grease for flavor, strain the rest.
  3. Once the sausage is cooked, add in about 1/2 gal of milk, bring it to a boil.
  4. In a large bowl, place approximately 4 cups of milk, slowly add flour until the contents are very thick, whisk it if possible, lumps of flour are yucky!
  5. When the milk and sausage contents are boiling, slowly pour in the milk/flour contents, until the boiling stops, then stop the pour and whisk the pot to further avoid clumps. Once the contents boil again, do the same. Key here is to do this a few times until the consistency matches your taste.
  6. Once you have the desired thickness, add in approximately three to four cups of thawed frozen HOT green chile. Let this simmer and stir for a few minutes and you’re good! Hint: If your chile isn’t hot enough, you can add black pepper to spice it up.

To All You Ordinary Heroes

The following is a portion of a blog post from Lisa-Jo Baker at Tales from a Gypsy Mama website. It speaks so truthfully about finding the heroic in ordinary lives that I wanted to share it. To read the full post, click here

Mountain LionTo All the Heroes – yes you, the ones up to your elbows in ordinary

We all want a hero…

We all want a hero to stand on a stage or a white horse or a battlefield or a football field or a bridge and declare to the darkness, “you shall not pass.”

We want to believe in courage bigger than us and the role models willing to leave their footprints behind for us to tentatively step into.

Prophets and rock stars, preachers and teachers and bloggers and poets. We want them to pour their words and point their lives like warning signs to the tired who come behind all bended over with our ordinary and expecting that others will triumph so that we can live in awe…

We want heroes with grand lives to sweep us up into their stories and propel us out to save the world through their endeavors while we stay home and fold the boring laundry.

And what if we are the heroes we are waiting for?

What if we can change and mold and challenge and fight back the darkness from our own corner of the Kingdom.

What if ordinary is heroic?

Most heroes I know wear jeans and T-Shirts most days and fight fevers more than Hercules.

Most heroes I know don’t have or care about blog platforms or their readership. They are too busy figuring out how to love their kids through a meltdown.

Most heroes I know are sitting right there in the pew behind us with their broken down daughters, their aging parents, their newborns who won’t sleep through the night, their singing off-key.

Most heroes I know are so ordinary we wouldn’t give them a second glance in the checkout line. They reek of homework and figuring out the taxes and how to squeeze a date night into another crazy week of car pool and sports and getting one more stain out of the carpet.

Most heroes I know are brave because they keep going in the face of their overwhelming fears, their worries, the voices in their heads that tell them they aren’t good enough, diligent enough, calm enough, prepared enough, or any other enough that can spit up out of the “perfect-o-meter.”

Eight women spend a morning cooking food for the friend who’s house was trashed by a hurricane, for the single parent who doesn’t have enough, for the family who will likely knock on the church door tomorrow…

There is no showmanship in heroism. There is just the next thing. Sometimes that thing might feel small – like helping your kid with his math homework. And sometimes it might feel big – like standing on a stage, or writing a book, or helping build a school or raising a million dollars or hosting a global webcast. But my guess is heaven uses a very different yard stick than we do.

So keep on, you.

Yes, you. The one up to your elbows in what feels like ordinary.

Lisa-Jo Baker believes “motherhood should come with its own super hero cape.” If you subscribe to her blog posts at www.lisajobaker.com, you’ll get her free eBook The Cheerleader for Tired Moms.

Live More, Fear Less: Test Anxiety (Can Work for You)

TestTaking2School has been back in session now for several months, and for many people that has meant lots of reading, studying, homework, studying, essays, studying…and the dreaded test days. When I was in school, I loved teachers who gave multiple choice tests – give me a list of answers to choose from and I’m in heaven. I probably don’t have to mention how I felt about math and essay exams.

Everyone knows the basic steps to prepare for test days: Study. Sleep. Eat.

  • If you know you suffer from test anxiety, you’re going to have to be more diligent than those who aren’t afflicted. Keeping up with reading assignments and homework is the first and best way to get ready in advance for an exam. Going into a test as prepared as possible will give you confidence and help ease anxiety.
  • Finding the time to get enough sleep every day is hard enough for those who aren’t going to school, for students it’s even worse. But if you don’t get at least six hours of sleep every night, you’ll be running on a sleep deficit, and that can affect your concentration. If you can’t do it on any other night, at least get a good night’s sleep the night before a test.
  • You have your own morning routine that may or may not include breakfast, but do your body and your brain a favor – eat well on test days, and include protein and not too much sugar.

If you’re not one of those (strange) people who thrive on the challenge of taking tests, you’ll need to take a few steps to make your test anxiety work for you.

Muscle tension, headache, faster breathing, increased heart rate and perspiration – these are some of the physical manifestations of fear related to the natural fight or flight response (see my post on survival instinct). If you have test anxiety, your mind has perceived your test as a threat to you and has prepared your body to stand and fight or run away. These physical changes can help you think more quickly, but they can also lead to restlessness because your body is now ready for action. If this is how your body normally reacts on test days, give these few things a try:

  • Be good to yourself. When you first start feeling these fight-or-flight symptoms, try to remember that your body’s natural defense will help you focus on what’s to come. Don’t fight it and don’t beat yourself up over your “silly” fears.
  • Arrive early at the testing place. Give yourself enough time to do some kind of physical activity like walking around the building or up and down the halls for a few minutes to help release muscle tension. (Arriving early is also essential to allow a bathroom break for those of us whose symptoms manifest themselves in that way.)
  • Breathe slowly and deeply to help you relax, before and during the test. This has a calming effect and sends oxygen to the brain.
  • To ease tension during a test, do some subtle stretching of your arms, legs, and shoulders. If you notice others tapping pencils/pens or nervously tapping their heels, realize you’re not the only one feeling anxious.
  • When taking the test, ponder the questions for only a few seconds and skip those you can’t answer immediately (math questions take longer, of course), and then go back later. Staying on one question for too long can cause even more anxiety and a loss of focus. In my student years, I found that as I moved through a test, my initial freak out/brain freeze cleared away enough that I was able to answer most of the questions on the second pass through.

These suggestions can be adapted to many situations where you’re being tested. Whether for a job interview, a presentation, or a talk: study in advance, get enough sleep, eat right, relax, release muscle tension, remember to breathe. And be good to yourself. When you don’t have the choice to flee, use your natural survival instinct to stand and fight.

How do you combat test anxiety?

Consult Not Your Fears…

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